westviews | a new start (wanda and erik)

[Wanda takes her mug with her, topping hers off while pouring him a new one. She brings them over to set down on the kitchen table before sitting across from Erik.]

Not in good will. [She's inflicted nightmares and terrible memories on people before, but nothing like this.] The average person doesn't appreciate someone in their head. Understandably. I don't like people in mine, either.

[Agatha had coaxed out some memories, good and bad, trying to figure Wanda out. There were no good intentions there, but even just momentarily seeing the people she'd loved and lost made her forget all the terrible things that had happened.]

It's a vulnerability.

It is. [ He agrees; and not for the first time thinks that he's grateful his mutant abilities manifested in a form that was primarily element based and outside of the realm of the mind.

He takes a sip from the tea she'd set in front of him, nodding his thanks. Her admission that she'd been in people's heads 'not in good will' doesn't surprise him, or cause any particular reaction. He'd used his own abilities as he saw fit, rarely in good will. It was only recently that that had begun to change. ]

You mentioned before that if I focused on my family, the memory should be available to you, on the surface. [ He pauses, eyes drifting down to his hands wrapped around the mug of tea. ] If you happen to see... [ There's another pause. He's rarely uncertain in his speech, but this is an incredibly vulnerable area they're traversing. ] Whatever you see, please keep it between the two of us. Much of my life and history are known to the people here, but there are parts I prefer to remain private.

[ The number tattoo on his forearm was a part of his past he couldn't visibly hide, nor would he attempt to. But his family - the life they had, and the way they were taken from him... it's not information he wants to be shared, Wanda being the exception. ]

Of course. I'd never tell anyone we did this at all.

[She's not made it known to anyone other than Erik that she can manipulate minds. She respects Erik most of all, here, and she'd never intentionally do anything to damage the trust he's given her. Wanda knows the vulnerability doesn't sit comfortably with him, but the chance to see his family again in some matter wins.]

I can end the memory the moment you give the word. And I'll end it myself if I feel it's too much for you.

[Getting overwhelmed by emotion, even in a memory, is dangerous for people like them. As easy as it would be to rebuild this house, she'd rather there not be an event that draws attention.]

This will hurt. That's inevitable. But I want you to... get something valuable out of it. Not just photographs.

[Healing, in whatever way it might take shape.]

So do I. I know the pain that will come with it as well. Even if it's only a photograph, it will have been worth it.

[ He takes another drink of the tea, readying himself internally for the path they're about to go on. Which makes him think of his next precaution to bring up. ]

It won't likely come to this, but if I lose control of my abilities... [ He takes a steadying breath. ] Please do whatever is necessary. I won't have the community, or you, put at risk.

[ He was giving her permission to subdue him in whatever way was most efficient, if it came down to it. Not a thing he'd ask of many people. But she was one of the few people that could do so effectively, and he trusted her and her judgement in a way he couldn't always extend even to Charles who he considered one of his oldest and closest friends. ]

Where should we start?

[Wanda smiles faintly.]

I don't think you'll lose control to that extent. [Lose control of his tears, perhaps, but Wanda doesn't think he'd lose himself so much as to do more than superficial damage if she's being honest. He seems to have himself much more together than she ever has.] But for your peace of mind, I wouldn't hesitate to stop you.

[It'd be an easy thing. Though, clearly, not something she ever wants to have to do. He'd be--upset with himself, she thinks.

Wanda stands, leaving her tea to cool on the table while they do this.]

You should make yourself comfortable on the couch. Try to relax.

Thank you.

[ It does give him piece of mind, knowing that she can and would stop him. The last time he allowed his powers to fully unleash, prompted by Apocalypse and his own warped sense of manipulation and 'purpose', it had been all consuming. It's not something he wants to experience again, unless absolutely necessary. ]

I'm ready.

[ Erik stands, leaving his tea behind on the table and goes to sit on the couch. He turns slightly toward her, a mixture of trepidation and hope in his eyes, otherwise his expression is mostly just set in a firm resolve. You can do this. It will be fine. He tells himself this a few times as he awaits whatever comes next. ]

[He's not exactly Wanda's definition of relaxed.

She sits on the couch, facing him, legs folded in front of her. She offers him another small smile. This doesn't need to be frightening.]

Tell me something. What did you think, when you first saw Magda? Did you know you were going to marry her?

[ Erik takes a breath and thinks back. He's definitely not relaxed, but he doesn't think that's possible just yet. But as Wanda mentions Magda, Erik goes back to the moment they met - there was a market near the Baltic sea, one he'd visit frequently when he first arrived in Poland. He'd been a shadow of himself back then, and hadn't wanted to interact with anyone beyond what was absolutely necessary - to find work, and gather food. ]

I met her by the sea. Just an ordinary circumstance. She struck up a conversation with me, and I was... well, not at my most charming. [ He says with a rueful sort of grin. He'd been standoffish and outright rude, but for whatever reason Madga had looked past that. ] But she was. She was... radiant.

[ His voice is slightly thick with emotion, so he takes a moment, then continues. ]

I didn't know I was going to marry her right away. That happened later.

[It's sweet and heartbreaking in equal measure. Wanda gives him a few moments to breathe before letting another question loose.]

Who made the first move?

[Terrible as it is, it's little difficult to imagine this Erik making an attempt with anyone. It seems like the island is his one and only. It's a thought Wanda keeps to herself. Back when his tragedies were less, before he knew the loss of a wife and daughter, maybe he could turn on the charm.

They were all different peope, once.]

I did. I asked her to have dinner with me.

[ There's a quiet hint of a laugh that accompanies the statement. All these years later, he still remembers how charmed he was by her. ]

I told her who I was when we first met. I'm still not entirely sure what possessed me to put such trust in her. As I've said before, she was special.

[ She still is, he thinks. The part of her that lives on in his memory reminds him of home, of his capacity to love. ]

She accepted me without question. As I was.

[ She knew he'd been running from something, that much was easy to see if one was perceptive enough to look. But she hadn't been deterred by that, or by any aspect of his past. And so gradually over time he'd been able to tell her everything - piece by piece. ]

I shared more of myself with her than I had with anyone before, or since.

[She accepted me without question. As I was. That's all it takes, Wanda supposes. It's the common ground where she met Vision. There, she found trust and warmth and so much more than anyone would expect from someone not human.

But it's not the time to get caught up in her own emotions. Wanda makes a soft sound of amusement, glad that Erik had found someone to be in love with so completely.

It's more than most people get in a lifetime.]

And Nina. Were you excited to find out you were going to be a father?

[ There's a warm light that shines in his eyes at her question, and he answers immediately - ]

It was the happiest moment of my life. That, and her birth.

[ And his wedding. His thumb traces idly over the space where his wedding band once had been, struggling to hold onto those bright moments as a pang of grief comes sharply to the surface. He breathes in through his nose, steadying himself against it. ]

Magda had never been more excited. We'd been living in a small apartment in the village. When we found out, I built a home for us, in the forest. Our own little sanctuary.

[ Was it still standing? He pushed the thought away for fear of where it might lead his emotions. ]

And now you've made a sanctuary for many.

[A gift to the outsiders and those outcast. Wanda included. The absolute least she can do is bring him his family, if only just in memory.]

It would be an honor to see the home your made for your family.

[The place, the memory, she's been hoping to lead him towards.]

Tell me about home. Tell me about the memory you want to see.

[Because as he does so, he might blink and find himself in it. An invisible bystander, as they were in Wanda's memory.]

[ It's a struggle at first. There are stubborn, self protective instincts in place that he is coaxing into settling down. The parts of him that don't want to see the time in his life when he was the happiest, that don't want to revisit the faces of his wife and daughter for fear of how it might devastate him with the reminder of his loss.

He's worked hard to rebuild the stability that had been shattered from within after their deaths; and it's only because of that work that he's actually able to begin speaking. As he does so, he recalls the memory with as much clarity as he can manage. ]

It was a simple cabin. In a forest surrounded by tall trees. In the spring, everything was bright green. Every day I couldn't wait to drive home from work, just to see them again. I'd step into the house, set down my keys, and not moments later I'd have Magda in my arms. We were so... happy. Truly happy. Nina was usually outside, if the weather was warm. She'd call all kinds of animals to her - she loved deer the most.

[ He remembers sitting outside with his wife and daughter, Nina laughing happily as she petted one of the largest deer Erik had ever seen. He might have been concerned, if he hadn't already known she was like him. This was her gift. No animal would ever harm her. So both he and Magda encouraged her, took joy in watching her gift develop for all the happiness it brought her. ]

[It's a more jarring shift, going from the inside of Wanda's home to a sunny spring day outdoors, but it is what it is. The sunlight filtering through the green, lush trees is still bright enough to make Wanda have to shield her eyes for a moment as they adjust, but she soon drops her hand so she can take in the scene.

They're a short distance away from the heart of the memory: that family of three outside, Nina's laughter in the air. Wanda can see Erik and his wife sitting close beside him. As much as she wants to get up from the spot on the grass she's found herself sitting on to look closer, see the faces of Nina and Maga up close--]

Erik.

[This is for him. Wanda looks to him, reaching a hand out to touch his arm. Something to ground him and remind him what's real and what's memory.]

It's beautiful here.

[ This was nothing like the experience of Wanda sharing her own memory; he'd been a fairly detached onlooker then, able to easily parse reality from memory. But in this, he feels like he's utterly lost for a moment. Whatever he'd tried to prepare himself for, it all falls apart as soon as he's surrounded by these familiar woods, green and full of life; with the sight of his family up ahead.

It feels like more than just a memory, it's vivid and alive. Like he's there with them again - whole, a husband and a father.

He has the overwhelming urge to rush toward them, wrap them both up in his arms; but it's not real. Her touch draws him out of that, reminds him of what is now and what is the past. ]

Yes. It is.

[ He lets loose a rough sounding sigh, emotion rising up in him and threatening to take over. Within Wanda's home, the windows and walls begin to shake and rumble. Tears well up in his eyes and fall down his face as he stares unblinking at the sight before him. ]

Nina.

[ Her name comes out in a barely there sound, etched with pain. He closes his eyes for a moment in an attempt to regain some of his control, feeling the ground beneath them responding to his outpouring of emotion. When he opens them again, he sees the memory shift. Nina wraps her small arms around his neck and he lifts her up, spinning her around while her laughter fills the air along with his wife's. Magda comes over and the three of them share a hug, smiling; Erik looking at them both with adoration.

Seeing the joy on their faces doesn't break his heart like he was afraid it would. It fills it up. Soon the walls and windows in Wanda's home stop shaking, the ground stops vibrating. There are still tears running down his face, but they are of a different variety now. ]

[As much as Wanda expected a strong reaction, he does worry her for a few heartbeats. She can sense their reality, hear the distant rattle of her new home and the artwork on the walls and the cups and plates in the kitchen. But she trusts him, trusts his resolve, and Erik manages to reel himself in without her needing to intervene.

She remembers the rush of emotion when she saw her boys again, in another universe, in a place and time where they were just happy children begging for ice cream. The only reason she didn't weep outright was because she didn't want to frighten them. Here, he has the space to let his emotions flow, and it's--a lot, even without them flying off the rails. Wanda can feel her own eyes sting, and she blinks the sensation away.

How happy they all looked, and how terrible that he lost that joy and love. Wanda takes a steadying breath before refocusing.]

It's okay. [It's a soft murmur, her palm touching the back of his shoulder, rubbing gently.] It's only a memory, enhanced.

[ Erik's gaze remains fixed on his family, though he nods slightly at Wanda's reassurance. The swell of emotion within seems to rise and fall, and while he's mostly regained control of his power; every so often there is a rattling of the windows - tremors that match the faint shaking of his shoulders as he lets himself weep silently. It's not the first time he's wept for them, but having someone else here to witness it is the rarity. But he finds it comforting, to have Wanda there, her hand at his back to let him know he's not alone. Her own understanding of the loss of family is what allows him to be vulnerable in this way, because she knows already. He doesn't need to explain anything. ]

They were so happy. I was...

[ So happy. It's all he can manage to say, there's joy as well as grief as he watches the memory play out; both emotions flow through him equally as strong. It's a beautiful memory of a time in his life when things were simple, peaceful. Their smiling faces, the sunlight streaming down through the leaves.

He'd give anything to be able to hold them both again.

As he has that thought the memory begins to shift - the woods are no longer bright, everything turns dim and cold as it shifts to his memory of Magda and himself running through the woods in a frantic search for Nina, unable to find her. The walls start to rumble and Erik closes his eyes, turning away in attempt to stop it from continuing to unfold. He doesn't want to see what follows. Doesn't want to re-live it. ]

[She had hoped he'd be able to stay in the pleasant parts of his recollection of his family. It's short-lived. Wanda can feel the turn in the air and the heaviness of his heart begin to pull down the memory.

Curiosity has her wanting to see where this goes, suspecting nowhere good, but Erik's grief is too much. It's gone too far already. She had told him that he'd be in control as long as that particular memory stayed in the forefront of his mind, but the terrible bleeds through and it's clear he can't make the call. So, she does.]

That's enough.

[And when he next opens his eyes, they'll be back in the place they never really left: her living room, sitting still on the couch. The emotions and tears were real, of course, and now that she's not focused on keeping the memory around them, she deflates a little at the sight of Erik.

Maybe it was too much, too soon. Maybe it would always be too soon, for him.]

Hey. [This time, it's his face that she touches, a warm palm against his cheek in effort to get him to look at her. To focus on the here and now.] Hey, it's over. It's done. You're here, Erik.

[ When he opens his eyes again it's a shock, suddenly being here in the present - on her couch, surrounded by the familiar environment. He glances around the room, taking in the details before he registers her palm on his face and his gaze meets hers. His shoulders drop slightly. The colors are warm again, and he's not back in that forest at early dawn, heart pounding as he calls out for his daughter. He's here.

They'd never really left, but it feels like he's gone and come back, in a sense. Erik's heart is still racing from the remnants of the memory; he breathes out a heavy sigh. ]

I tried to stay in the memory of when we'd been happy. [ He explains, his tone raw and almost apologetic. ] Everything was so vivid, I was looking at them and thinking of how much I wished I could hold them again... then it shifted.

[ It had happened so fast. He was grateful she'd ended it when she did. Erik notices then the items that had fallen onto the floor; the walls and windows appear intact and he doesn't feel any structural damage to the foundation, fortunately. They could both repair it easily, but he'd prefer not to have to damage her home at all. ]

I know. [Of course he'd want to stay in the good. But thoughts aren't always so easily controlled. She should have been more careful with him, but she'd been eager to thank him, in her own way.

As it tends to go, she never meant for it to cause harm.]

I'm sorry.

[Whatever's fallen onto the floor is beyond her caring at the moment. Wanda swallows down the emotion in her throat before leaning forward to pull him into an embrace, arms tight around his shoulders. He can't hold his family, but she can hold him, heart aching.]

I'm so sorry.

[ Erik stiffens initially, not because the embrace is unwelcome; but because he's very much accustomed to being the person to hold everything together. To be solid and strong. Not just for himself all these years; that's who he'd been for his family, that's who he was for the community. One of the responsibilities that came along with leadership. Normally, he handled it without feeling overly burdened.

But this was a circumstance where he knew he might falter under the weight of everything. He doesn't deny that his emotions run very deep; they always have.

So after a few moments he gives in, and his arms wrap around her tightly; holding onto Wanda as she holds him; and he lets himself feel the grief that takes over. A sometimes dangerous thing when it comes to a mutant; emotions being so highly tied with their powers; but she helps to be a steadying force.

He's not sure how much time passes before the quiet sobs begin to slow and even out, but eventually his breathing evens out and he feels like he can piece himself back together. ]

Thank you.

[ He says quietly as he pulls back; thanking her not just for showing him the memory; but for being there for him throughout all of this. There was no avoiding the traumas of his past, they were part of him; but at least now he didn't feel the weight of them quite so heavily. ]

[Wanda doesn't mind being whatever helps right now. She feels terrible seeing him like this. She knew how much he loved his family. How much he missed them. Why wouldn't he fall apart seeing them again? The poor man. She holds him until she feels him move, and lets go.]

Don't thank me. That was too much at once.

[They should have eased into it. Started with just his daughter, just his wife. Not the both at once.]

Erik, I'm sorry.

Don't be. I wanted to see their faces.

[ Erik shakes his head, his tone is firm and reassuring when he speaks; he doesn't want her to regret what she's done for him. She's not the one who took his family from him. The scars he bore internally were put there by circumstances he'd had no control over, and people he's long since dealt with. ]

I don't think there would ever be a time when revisiting memories of my family would have affected me any less.

[ He reaches out to squeeze her shoulder briefly. ]

I think even if we'd started off small, my mind would have gone where it wanted to go. We would have ended up at the same place.

[ He's certain of it. And he's relieved that was all they visited. Among the many painful memories in his past, the fact that she didn't get flashes of any of those was a great relief to him. It wasn't as if she was poking around in his head, the way Charles and other telepaths had done before - trying to seek out information he didn't want them to find. This was different. He wanted to find this memory, to see it again in full. ]

[His words offer some reassurance. Wanda nods, taking a breath. Seeing their faces was the goal. She saw them, too.]

They're beautiful. [Magda and Nina. And he had looked like a different person, as happy as he was.] They loved you very much. I could see it clear as day. And you, them. But I knew that already.

[She musters up a small smile, lacking mirth. Had he reacted any less strongly to the memory, maybe she would have doubted his words.]

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